What I couldn't say...

To You:

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused, the heart I broke and the time I stole. I'm sorry for the tears, the hurt and the depression. I'm sorry for the lies between us and I'm sorry we grew apart.

I'm sorry for the love we shared that went somewhere else, and I'm sorry you didn't realize it too. I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye and I'm sorry I don't get to see you anymore. I'm sorry that talking to you hurts me somewhere and I'm sorry I can't seem to let it go.

I'm sorry that out of everything the fault lies with me. I'm sorry that I cry over you and I'm sorry that I can't stop. I'm sorry that I can't move on and I'm sorry that I don't try hard enough.

I'm sorry that every time I date, I compare that person to you. I'm sorry that my heart doesn't do what my mind tells it to. I'm sorry that I get quite everytime you bring it up. I'm sorry that I don't talk about my future because for me, right now I'm stuck.

I'm sure there will be someone, who will take my breath away. I'm sure there will be another love, another time and i'll wonder who you were. I'm sure that in the future you will be a distant memory. Something to laugh at with my children, about mommy's silly dream. I'm sure that later I'll stop blaming myself and I'm sure that anger will come.

There will be a time when your calls make me angry instead of happy and sad at the same time. There will be a time when I curse your name, and wonder why I tried. There will be a time when I don't wonder why you never loved me back. There will be a time when I won't wake up, crying for you to come back.

As for now I'll just try and make it, each and every day. With my painted smile and hidden laugh and let life go on. But I'll keep the secretes locked within, as I always do. About the pain I feel since you left, and the love that I cling to so dearly.

One day this will all fade, I know that to be true, but right here, right now it's not. All I have are these words, the ones that I can't change.

The ones that I can't say.

Love,

Me